An excerpt from a book I’ve been writing. It’s been in the works for about 12 years now and I’m finishing it up. It’s almost time to share it with the world.
A flickering light from a thunder storm projects on and off on the back of Timmy’s head. His head is down and his hands cover his face. Timmy sits on his bed with no motion for 20 to 30 seconds, then slowly looks up and to his right and stares toward a window. The pain in his eyes is evident, like a child playing alone when all they want is attention from their busy Mom and Dad. Suddenly…Timmy looks to the sky as he simultaneously hears the voice of the monstrous thunder rolling across the sky and then he hears the sweet sound of a gentle cloud burst as it begins to cry. Within seconds, the gentle sound of rain becomes a harsh banging of a downpour and Timmy just shakes his head yes, as if he were being spoken to by the storm.
Timmy throws his hands in the air and yells, “WHY…WHY…”
Calmly, Timmy stands and turns back toward where he once sat, and slowly reaches for a picture that was laying next to him on the bed. He then turns back away from the bed, picture in hand and bad intentions on his mind. Today was a good day to die!
Timmy walks forward toward a large full length mirror and begins to force himself to look at the reflection he sees.
“I hate you”, Timmy says to the disgusting vision he sees of himself, “It’s time for you to go!”
Timmy pauses a few seconds and again begins to speak to his reflection in the mirror and a subtle cry has started to muddle his voice.
“Well, I wished you were 6 foot 2, but you’re not…you’re a mere 5 foot 8 inches tall, I guess you can let that one slide…Your eyes? How about blue?…or maybe even green?…you would have loved gray…but you got brown, shit brown at that…you wanted to be thin and active in sports…Instead you weigh 315 lbs and the only activity you get is walking from the TV to the kitchen and then back…you are fricken’ pathetic!”
Timmy puts his head down and reaches in the back of his pants with his right hand. When his hand appears again, it holds a handgun. Timmy faces the barrel of the gun into the air and twists it from side to side for his reflection to see, believing somehow it would frighten the man inside the mirror…it didn’t…and that sucked for Timmy.
He then speaks to himself again, “Do you see Timmy, we can’t be six-two and we can’t have green eyes and we definitely can’t change our childhood…”
Timmy then puts the gun to the side of his head, all the while still standing in front of the mirror. His tears are now heavy, but not quite a sob. He then gets angry and begins to yell…
“Pull the trigger Timmy…All your life you have been afraid. Don’t let fear beat you anymore…you are fatty fatty gum drop…and nothing can change that…please for your own sanity just pull the trigger!”
Thunder again rolls as Timmy stands in front of the mirror, with a gun pointed to his head and a tear in his eye and suddenly as he shuts his eyes tight the room goes dark. And a voice in his head begins to speak, breaking his mindful silence.
“Life without love is a journey without a destination, however, death after having had love is reaching a destination without knowing you were ever on the journey…The winds of change have suddenly fallen on this long summer season. The sun has run to hide from the vicious rain that chased it away. Thunder roars a mock in the form of an evil laugh, as trees shake with fear. The once subtle sound of a Robin singing a friendly tune, is now replaced by the screech of a branch rubbing against my window…and now I die!”
This is just a few paragraphs from a book that I am finally finishing after 12 years of work. I hope you kinda like it? Teenage and adult suicide alike, are too prevalent in today’s society…at least that’s what I think. There is always a solution to a problem, you just have to keep reaching out. We have to reach out to each other to make this change happen. Depression is a horrible thing! I know cause I battle with it a lot in my own life. Keep the faith and always remember, “Suicide is a Permanent solution to a Temporary problem!” I learned a long time ago, when someone doesn’t love you, someone else actually does!
