Meet B²

We’re a husband and wife team.

b² is, quite simply, Bobby and Bun (a nickname given by Bobby).

We’ve been together for 17 years and counting. Married for 15 of those years. We have an awesome daughter…we take full credit for her awesomeness too…that Bun still calls Baby, even though she’s all growed up now…you never outgrow your childhood nickname. We also have a brand new son-in-law that, since he’s part of our family now, just earned the nickname of Mijo V by Bobby, two lovable chihuahuas…Chili, who loves to sunbathe and sleep and Boo, who is super needy and full of energy (basically the opposite of Chili) and an ornery cat, DaiDai, that has way too much personality.

We’re close to our extended family and consider ourselves extremely blessed to have them. Now, having said this, as blessed as we are to have them, it’s also, at times, a curse. Just a teeny tiny curse at times. C’mon…be honest…we’re not the only ones that feel this way. Hey, we’re thankful for them and have a huge amount of love for them…even though some of them have cost us years of therapy for our dysfunctional ways.

We wouldn’t trade them for anything.

Umm…okay…well…maybe a couple of them we would.

It just depends on which ones and what we’re trading.

Lets see. What else should we tell you about ourselves?

Are we funny? Boring? Moody?

What’s important to us? What do we like to eat?

What do we like to watch on TV? What’s our favorite kind of music?

All of these are damn good questions and will kinda give you some insight about who we are. But, you know, it’s kinda hard to write about yourself.

It just doesn’t feel right.

So we thought we’d write about each other. That’s just how we roll. Ya know, we like to change it up like that. I mean, after 17 years together, we should know a little something about each other, right?

But, before you get to know us as individuals, how about we tell you some of the ways that we’re alike?

There aren’t many.

For the most part, we’re pretty much opposites.

We’re both sarcastic by nature and love to talk shit.

Okay, that’s about it.

Oh yeah, and Mr. T (our therapist) has told us to ditch the sarcasm, but try as we might, we’ve been unsuccessful so far.

And the shit talking?

Well, we feel no amount of therapy can fix this part of us.

One of Bun’s favorite people to engage in some serious mess talkin’ with is her father-in-law.

Especially during football season…

Especially when her team beats his.

Ahh…the power of being a part of the winning team!

The only way to describe it is…Natural High.

Meet Bobby:

Hmm…where to begin?

Okay, so let’s start somewhere easy by answering a couple of the questions above about my husband, Bobby. Yes, Bobby is funny and I love it when he makes me laugh.

Is he boring??

Okay, here’s the deal. We often joke about Bobby acting like a man in his 80′s (he’s actually in his late 30′s) so I’m not sure if this would automatically qualify him as boring. It’s also a running joke between us that he sometimes sounds like the dry eyes guy from the Clear Eyes commercial. So I’m thinkin’ I’ll just let you all get to know him and form your own opinion.

Me? (insert sarcastic tone here) I don’t think he’s boring at all. In fact, after 17 years together he’s still so unpredictable I never know what to expect from him. It’s just one surprise after another with this man (end of sarcastic tone).

Things that are important to Bobby are family, doing work he enjoys and never giving up on your dreams. Also important to Bobby are learning and educating himself.

He has been known to refer to himself as the “Almighty Sponge” because he believes he absorbs information like a sponge.

Yeah, I know. It’s a little out there.

But I never said Bobby was normal.

Bobby wouldn’t even say Bobby’s normal.

And this is pre-Sponge Bob days. It’s just coincidental that Bobby referred to himself as a sponge and his name is Bobby before Sponge Bob was a household name. Yup…he’s actually the original Sponge Bob by self proclamation. True story.

Bobby loves to eat pizza, burritos, sweets and pretty much anything unhealthy. The amount of crappy food this man ingests drives me insane.

From an early age, Bobby recognized that he had a passion for writing, art and had an entrepreneurial spirit. He likes to write and is an art lover with a great appreciation for pretty much anything creative.

Bobby has more creativity in his itty bitty little baby toe than I have in my entire body, soul and being.

Seriously, he’s super creative.

It’s actually pretty frustrating for me because I so admire his creativity. I’m jealous.

Bobby is a highly intelligent individual and very competitive. He didn’t realize when he met me that I would challenge his intellect every chance I got.

Yup…we often engage in intellectual sparring matches and since we’re both pretty competitive never admit to defeat.

I believe our current sparring records against each other are 0 Wins, 0 Losses and 5,870 Draws.

Bobby loves sharks, koi fish and Japanese architecture.

Bobby has a habit that drives me crazy…he likes to eat in bed…grrr!

(insert sarcastic tone here) Yup…I can’t say how much I love to sleep in a pool of crumbs or how much I enjoy the aroma of beef jerky wafting my way as I lay in bed (end of sarcastic tone).

Oh, the things we endure in the name of love.

Bobby is a very private person and is most comfortable when he is behind his computer creating something or working with his tools building something that he sees in his head (his head also hears voices but don’t you worry about that…we’ve been told he’s stable…err…somewhat), which is why this mission across the U.S. will be a challenge for him.

He’s somewhat of a nerd.

Which you would never guess by just looking at him…especially if you’re one to stereotype a person by their appearance…but it’s a fact.

Our daughter and I call him a ghetto geek or ghetto nerd.

Now, if you fall into the category of being a stereotyper (?? is that a word?) then I think we should clear up a few things.

Upon first site, Bobby may appear, to the typical stereotyper, that he is or was a gang member.

False.

Bobby has never been a member of any gang.

The stereotyper might wonder if Bobby is or has ever been a gardener?

Negative.

Bobby, in fact, not only, has never been a gardener but really, really doesn’t enjoy any form of yard work.

Or maybe the stereotyper believes that Spanish was his first language or at least that he’s bilingual.

Nope. Wrong again stereotyper.

He only speaks one language…English. His attempts at any Spanish speaking leave a person begging him to stop.

So, there you have it. I hope that clears up some questions that may have been lingering with the typical stereotyper.

Bobby is charming, patient yet a hothead (it doesn’t make sense…I know), a pain in the ass at times, hardworking and an all around good guy. Oh, and I think he’s pretty hot too! There is so much more to him but this is all you get for now. You’ll get to know him better…the good, the bad and the ugly…right here…so, stay tuned!

Meet Bun:

Aww damn, my turn to tell you about Bun. I’m gonna have to start with a “disclaimer”.

Disclaimer: What I feel are my facts and not opinions. Also, keep in mind, when writing, I tend to drift toward creative writing. So I am sorry if it sounds somewhat like a story and not a biography. But in order for me to explain things my way they have to be written my way…so here goes.

One day in heaven there was an Angel floating with a slight tilt to his left side. Try as he may, he could not float to his right side. This Angel was damaged and his right wing would not flap fully. One day he decided to float to a restaurant. He had heard of this great Mexican food joint called “Heavenly Cholito’s”. So, with a carne asada burrito on his mind he headed east! As he arrived at his destination he realized the door was on his right, but he could only float left. Every time he moved, he got further and further away from his “Ultimate Carne Asada Burrito” and it angered him immensely.

Days went by and miles of space grew between him and his destination. Finally, one day he sat down, lowered his head and began to give up! For years he would not move, not even to raise his head. Tears rolled from his eyes and onto earth in the form of rain.

Suddenly, he heard a rustle coming from the jungle behind him. Fear overcame him…this was the first emotion he had felt in years, other than anger, of course. Quickly, he stood and floated to his left, with the voracity of a lion but the grace of a swan. And there she stood, a quiet beauty with a bandage over her left wing. She smiled and said, “Excuse me, I have a damaged left wing and can only float to my right. I am hungry and was told I could get a great Carnitas taco over at Heavenly Cholito’s. The problem is, every time I float over there the door is on my left and I can only float right. Can you help?”

They decided to hold hands, his right hand and her left hand. With his good right wing and her good left wing they flew straight to “Heavenly Cholito’s” and finally ate. Since that day Bun has not left my side through tough times, as well as good times.

I tell this story only to say, Bun is a beautiful person…inside and out. She is an extremely passionate person when it comes to her beliefs and never waivers in her commitments. Have you ever heard the term, “Say what you mean and mean what you say?” That’s my Bun…don’t say it to her unless it can be done. And if you say you are the one to do it, then do it!

Bun believes that no person should go hungry. Especially in the United States.

Eff the reason why they are starving, just feed them.

This line would be a great way to describe how passionate she is about this subject. Bun would allow herself to go without a meal in a heartbeat, if it meant someone else would eat that night, especially a child.

Now keep in mind she will not give someone money for drugs or alcohol, but she will buy them food…every time!

She will never, however, just give them money.

Bun loves her family…immediate, as well as extended, and if she could, would take care of all of them. Her animals are also part of this family. Okay, truth is, they rank higher than I do in priority.

At least I think so.

That’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it.

In my opinion she is great with kids. They love her. She plays, dances and sings with them as if she was their age. I truly admire this trait, it’s awesome! As far as being a Mom, she was strict with our daughter, but ranks as one of the coolest Moms ever.

Bun, holds this uncanny ability to keep the attention of anyone she is speaking to. She is engaging, confident and passionate in whatever subject she is speaking about. She believes in being told and telling the truth. No matter how much it hurts.

To know Bun is to love her and to be her husband is a nightmare come true.

Oops, I mean dream come true!

I believe Bun will accomplish anything she chooses and will definitely positively touch the lives of many.

Let’s see what else is important to note about Bun? Ahh yes, her need to be right about everything! (sad part is, when it comes to her and I, she usually is…that sucks!) It could actually be a good thing if I would just learn how to listen better (at least that’s what she tells me).

What are Bun’s favorite foods? Well, that’s a simple one to answer.

Bun loves her some refried beans, add Spanish rice and endless bowls of good homemade chips and salsa and she is in Heaven. She will eat until someone takes the food away or until she passes out. Whichever comes first. I have been bitten on a few occasions having to be the one to remove the chips and salsa from her. So if you see us in a Mexican restaurant…please come and say “hi” but use extreme caution while entering the food area if Bun is eating.

Does Bun like watching the NFL? It took ten years of us being together for Bun to watch an NFL football game and keep an open mind. We watched my favorite team, the Pittsburgh Steelers, and from then on she has been a rabid Steeler fan. It’s great to have a wife that knows more about your favorite football team than you do.

By the way, Jerome Bettis, if you ever read this…thank Bun for that going away Super Bowl win you guys won your last season. That was the first season she rooted for the Steelers as a true fan and she takes full credit for that Super Bowl win!

How about competitiveness? Bun is extremely competitive and hates to lose. Especially when it’s at the hands of her arch rival/husband, me. She just despises losing to me, but I love it…Muhahahah!
I usually beat her at everything…I’m just better at the challenges than she is. She won’t admit to it, but I am. She will not play Monopoly with me cause she says I am too mean. C’mon, you have to be a little vicious while playing a game of Monopoly with your spouse!

The only thing she is definitely superior to me at is Wii Mini Golf. I can’t beat her for anything. She always wins at that. Trust me, she also knows how to gloat about it too. Have you ever heard the term “extreme sports junkie”? Well Bun is the queen of “Extreme Shit Talking”. Especially if she wins.

Bun wants things done right and for them to work as advertised. This is a biggie. This will really bring the business if it’s not.

Example: If a car travels at a speed of 50 mph standard with no upgrades and she wanted it to go 60 mph, then, damn it, it better start going 60 mph because the advertisement never told her that it was an optional upgrade. So someone better fix that problem immediately or they are in a world of shit. And if it is not fixed to her satisfaction then I get to hear about it until I figure out a way to fix it!

Now, don’t get me wrong.

This actually makes me better at everything I do because I always have to re-do it 10 times before the “Bun” stamp of approval is granted. I love this about her because I would not be as good at some things without her making me re-do them. Thanks Bun…I love you!

I guess I should probably explain where Bun got the nickname Bun. On one of our first ever dates, back in the day, Bun and I were watching the movie Pulp Fiction by Quentin Tarantino. During the restaurant scene, there was a guy named Pumpkin and this crazy chick he referred to as Honey Bunny. As soon as I saw this chick and how crazy she was, I immediately looked at my crazy chick and knew I had found my Honey Bunny. The name stuck and over the years it’s been modified or shortened to BunnyLove, Bunny and Bun.

Finally, I’d like to say Bun is the blondest brunette you will ever come in contact with. Let me explain what I mean by giving you an example. A chipmunk and a monkey look nothing alike, right? Well, to us common folk they don’t. But to Bun? Well…that’s another story. Here’s what happened. Bun was describing a small field animal that got caught in our pool vac that day. She was describing what it looked like to me and our daughter. We thought it could possibly be a gopher that got stuck in the pool vac.

Bun asks, “Well, what does a gopher look like?”

Our daughter says, “It looks kinda like a chipmunk mom.”

Bun paused…gasped…and exclaimed, “It looks like a monkey?”

Now don’t get me wrong. Bun is a highly intelligent monkey…I mean person. She just has those “light-bulb-less” moments. I’m sure you’ll witness a few of them for yourself.

Meet Grumpzilla (a.k.a. Bun)

Now that I told the story about good Bun, there is another side of her. I like to call it Bun’s alter ego. We call this alter ego Grumpzilla….grrr…hear her roar.

Similar story as above, somewhat same result. It’s just explained in a different point of view.

One day in the ghetto, deep in the heart of Beachwood, there was an asshole who cared less about anything or anyone. He was overweight and was teased constantly growing up. He knew right from wrong, but was distorted in the order they came in. Because he was constantly hurt by people around him, he decided if he struck first, he could not be hurt. So started a life of betrayal, deceit and pain. Eventually, he gave up believing in good and choose to be pure evil. He lived this way for years to come. He was rude, a drunk and got into fights nearly everywhere he went. Life was great. At least that is what he pretended. You see, the problem was he did not want to be a bad person but he did not know how to be any other way.

That’s around the time he met her…”Grumpzilla”. She was one of the only people he came across that was not intimidated by his size, attitude or cruelness. She simply barked back and he secretly loved her for it. She would not nor has she ever backed down from him. She was and still is the only person capable of calling him a sissy without getting their ass whooped for it. Why? Because I am afraid of “Grumpzilla” and she changed my life forever.

I love her, but “Grumpzilla” is a serious pain in the ass! You’ll see…

So consider yourself warned guys and girls. Be wary when “Grumpzilla” comes out. Anything can be said or done. Now, “Grumpzilla” sightings usually occur when a subject arises that Bun has a strong feeling about or during certain times of the month (guys, ya know what I’m sayin’). The sightings will come in the form of Blogs posted by “Grumpzilla”. This is when Bun is on her almighty soapbox and is ranting about something that has a definite stronghold over her. Sometimes it can be an environmental issue or it could be that I sneezed wrong. Either way, “Grumpzilla sightings” can be both fun to read and interesting to see…but suck for me! So, consider yourself warned.